Starfleet Canon Keepers: Doppelganger Destruction
by Lady of Stormness Mountain
Summary: A semi-retired Kirk working in the Starfleet Canon Keepers Bureau gets a visit from the Spock and Uhura from Star Trek: 2009. What does he do with them? Please read and review!


Disclaimer: Star Trek:The Original Series belongs to Paramount Pictures, Stargate Atlantis belongs to ... someone other than me, and Star Trek: 2009 belongs to whoever the dingbat was who thought it up (definitely not taking credit for _that_). The idea for the Canon Keepers belongs to JealousOfTheMoon, not to me, and her Narnian Canon Keepers series is well worth reading.

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**Starfleet Canon Keepers Bureau: Doppelganger Destruction**

The sun sparkled on the sea and illuminated the Golden Gate Bridge in glowing glory as Captain James T. Kirk, no longer of the Starship Enterprise, walked towards Starfleet Headquarters. There was just a hint of cool breeze, and the sky shone the perfect blue of a spring day. Occasionally a shuttle would hum overhead or a swallow would dart from its leafy home, but the morning was otherwise quiet and peaceful. Captain Kirk passed Starfleet Headquarters and approached a building nearby. On the doors was gold lettering which read _Starfleet Canon Keepers Bureau_. The glass doors slid open for him and he entered the office to which he had been reassigned since his retirement from commanding a starship. He hadn't been quite ready to retire from Starfleet altogether, so he got the lightest job they could find for him (or so they thought) until he was ready to enjoy a full retirement. Kirk passed the receptionist in the lobby and continued to his own office on the second floor. It was a nice, airy office with glass doors and a glass window forming the wall facing the bay. A potted tree stood in one corner and a mahogany desk stood against the wall on top of which sat a computer terminal and a stack of large information padds. He sat down in the swivel chair with a fresh cup of coffee to review the morning reports. He tossed the padd back on the desk and leaned back against the wall, putting his feet on the desk and taking a deep breath. Captain Kirk closed his eyes and mulled over what the past few years had brought. He had spent what seemed like a lifetime exploring the galaxy and defeating enemies, but now he was checking stories for factual basis and canon continuity. Stories apparently written by many people who liked to imagine what he and his crew could have run into. Some stories were rather good, and others were just silly. He was head of the department, though. That was something.

Kirk put his empty coffee cup on the desk and nodded off. A little while later he heard the doors to his office slide open and two people entered the room. He opened one eye and saw a young Vulcan in an old-style Starfleet uniform standing next to a young African lady with long hair in an equally outdated uniform. Kirk opened the other eye.

"Who are you, and what sort of story are you applying for?" he inquired, a trifle annoyed at the interruption of his nap.

"I am Uhura and this is Spock. We are applying for a story in the romance genre where we can be married and live happily ever after as we explore the far reaches of the galaxy and brave untold dangers together…" the woman replied, trailing off in a dreamy, sing-song voice.

"Aaghh!" Kirk yelled, having fallen clumsily out of his chair to leave it spinning haphazardly around. He clumsily got to his feet only to collapse again in a fit of hysterical laughter. Finally he regained his feet, still chuckling.

"That's funny! Who put you up to this?" Kirk looked around. "Is this being recorded?"

"We are serious, Captain," the Vulcan stated. Kirk, who had been leaning against the desk, promptly lost his balance and landed on the floor with a thump.

"Come on, Spock Jr., this has to be a joke. You're a bit late though. April fools day was last week," Kirk replied after groping for his chair and pulling himself into it.

"We are NOT joking, Captain!" the supposed Spock replied angrily, stamping his foot in a very un-vulcan (not to mention undignified) way.

"Ehhhe…" Kirk laughed nervously, tugging at the now-itchy collar of his Starfleet uniform.

"Mmhhmm," Kirk mused, still wearing an expression of horror and shock on his face. He pressed the intercom button. "Nancy, please call the security guards and have them escort two befuddled persons to Starfleet medical for a psychiatric examination."

"No!" shouted the Spock imposter.

"Spock, what happened to Nurse Chapel?" Kirk asked. "Uhura? What's with the hair?"

"Please, Captain," wheedled the Uhura imposter, batting her eyelashes. "Please, can't you find some story for us?"

"Well, I guess I could see…" replied Captain Kirk, a mischievous gleam coming into his eyes. He picked up two information padds and hurriedly entered some data.

"Here," he handed a padd to each of them. "Take these to the front desk and they will have your story applications entered in the database for immediate completion."

The two imposters left his office overjoyed and hand in hand. Kirk chuckled.

A moment later the doors opened again. An older Vulcan in a flowing robe entered the office.

"Good morning, Jim. I was passing by earth on my way to a territorial summit and thought I would pay you a visit," Ambassador Spock greeted him.

"Spock! So good to see you! You'll never guess what I just had in my office."

"Did it have to do with those two strange people I passed in the hallway?"

"Yes. The vulcan claimed to be you and the other claimed to be Uhura." Kirk chuckled, and Spock raised an eyebrow. "They said they wanted to be _married_."

"Most illogical," the ambassador replied in his ever calm, vulcan way. "Where did you send them?" he asked, suddenly curious, but hiding it well.

"Oh, I sent your imposter to Rura Pente," Kirk replied, grinning. Spock raised his eyebrow again.

"What of the Uhura imposter, Jim?"

Kirk laughed. "Well, I thought Cyrano Jones could use some help. She's on her way to the now-abandoned Space Station K7 to clean up tribbles. When she's finished with that, I think I'll contact the Stargate Canon Keepers and see if they can send her to the Wraith in Pegasus."

"Fascinating," was Spock's reply, and Kirk could have sworn he saw a hint of a smile on Spock's stoic face for a moment. "I'm sure Dr. McCoy will be overly exuberant, as usual, when he hears of this."

Kirk chuckled. "I'm sure he will, Spock."

A moment later the office doors opened again, and a perky youth entered. Spock and Kirk turned to face him.

"Hi! I'm James T. Kirk. I used to be a juvenile delinquent until Starfleet found me. Now I'm going to be Captain of the Enterprise. Have you got any good stories for me?"

"I must be going Jim," Spock said, quickly sweeping out of the room.

Thump! Kirk's head hit his desk as he moaned "Not another one!"

**The End**

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Author's note:This is my first time to write for Star Trek, but I have watched and enjoyed it for many years. I got really tired of hearing how much people loved Star Trek: 2009, and when I found out how horrible it was I was very distraught indeed. I'm sorry, but Spock/Uhura??!! It's just as bad as Suspian is in the Narnia fandom. Many thanks to Narniachick and her sister, without whom I would not have been able to write this, and many thanks to JealousoftheMoon for letting me borrow her marvelous idea.

Please leave a review on the way out. It doesn't hurt, I promise. :)


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